Will we ever catch up?


I read an article from Harvard Business Review today that really resonated with me.  This article, which feels incredibly relevant during this unusually stressful time of COVID-19, was actually written in 2018.  The topic?  Neverending to-do lists and feelings of guilt or shame.

If you're a type A person, like me, you have a running lists of things you want or need to get done in your head.  Some of these things have to do with work, some might be family or friend obligations, some might be about volunteer opportunities, and some probably have to do with taking care of yourself.  This article, aptly categorized under emotional intelligence, talks about how unfinished tasks can cause you to feel guilty or shameful.

The author stated how guilt can sometimes play a complicated role in motivation, but shame almost always tends to demotivate.  He explicitly added that feeling guilty when you are away from work is not helpful.  Doing so will make an individual feel worse about their job and ruin time that they might be spending with family or friends. 

In this time of COVID-19, it has been a challenge for many to differentiate work time from personal time.  Many individuals are working from home full-time, or are out of work entirely.  When working from home, it is often the case that individuals will struggle to set boundaries on when they will work.  Since home is now the office, it can be easy enough to stay "at work" much later that one would if they were in their normal office.  If an individual wants to stop work on time, they will have to have the conviction to shut down when they have said they will.  This often won't happen as those that are still employed feel bad for others who lost their jobs and therefore think that they must work harder (or longer hours) because they are lucky to be employed.  On the other hand, for those that are out of work, job searching can cause similar feelings of guilt or shame.  These individuals may be feeling shame that they got let go or furloughed, even if it wasn't due to any fault of their own.

For most of my life, I've been someone who was always willing to take on more because I felt like I couldn't do enough.  As I've written before, much of this changed when I was forced to take a step back because of herniated discs, nerve pain and surgery.  I had to slow down and really truly hated every minute of it.  I feel like I'm still fighting it to this day, even though I am trying my best to recognize when I am pushing too hard. 

Today, for instance, I took a nap.  I've never been one to take naps.  But, I have been consistently increasing activity for myself and my recovering body was just feeling fatigued and wiped out.  So, I took a freaking nap.  While I was fighting to keep my eyelids open while working on an online class, I kept thinking to myself, "Why do you need a nap?  You haven't done anything today".  This was the precursor to me feeling guilty about even THINKING about taking a nap.  It didn't take me too long to realize that resistance was futill and head back to bed to nap for an hour.  I woke up feeling more awake and ready to get back to work.  Part of me still feels guilty, but luckily more of me is aware that I am human and have to recognize where I'm at.

I think what I took away from that article today was that every day is going to be different and you really have to get to know what you need.  You think that after the past few years I've had, I would have learned to expect the unexpected.  But I'm still a fighter and often want things to just go back to normal.  I recognize that isn't how it's going to be.  So I try to take it day by day and acknowledge that guilt and shame won't often help me.

-Vicky

You can find the full article I referenced in this post here.

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