Over 200

 

The image above pretty accurately describes one of the initial feelings that many individuals might be dealing with right now as they seem to be in a perpetual job search during the COVID-19 pandemic.  CNBC reports that there are still tens of millions of Americans receiving unemployment benefits and there is about one job opening per every two people out of work.  They also cited studies that demonstrate that extended periods of unemployment or underemployment can have a negative long-term effect on the job seeker's mental and even physical health.  

I, personally, am working in an internship capacity, without pay.  I am passionate about the work that I am doing and grateful for the opportunity to be involved.  However, the lack of pay contributes to my high levels of job search related stress.  Some weeks, the work I do for my internship cuts into the time that I have to do my weekly tasks for my job search.  I, like many, have been job searching for the majority of this pandemic.  This post is titled 'Over 200' because I have passed the threshold of having applied to 200 jobs at this point.

I graduated with my masters degree in February of 2020, about a month before the COVID-19 pandemic really set in.  I spent the first couple of months mostly focused on the job search, hoping that things would settle down sooner rather than later.  Unfortunately, not much had changed by the time summer rolled around.  I began working about 30 hours a week as a nanny for a pod of kindergarten children that were in a hybrid schooling model.  Obviously, this is not the work that I was looking to do, but I needed to earn some form of income.  I was also working my two internships in tandem to this nannying job.  After the fall, I decided to stop nannying and focus my attention back on the job search.  Things were beginning to look up as the vaccines were being put out, and I believed that companies might be opening up more roles.  Since around February of this year (2021), I was back to having no income and working just internships while job searching.   

This swirling concoction of uncertainty has me asking myself many questions and feeling a tremendous variety of emotions.  Are we just hamsters running on a wheel, with no destination in sight?  For me personally, I'd say this feeling is sometimes more intense than just being a hamster on a wheel.  My hamster wheel is outside in the dead of a northeastern winter.  I am not dressed warmly enough and unseen figures are pelting me with snowballs that are mostly ice.  I feel beaten down, bruised and exhausted, but I must continue moving.  For many, this job search process feels like life or death at the moment.

One recent Forbes article aims to help job searchers stay positive during a long and exhausting job search. The article starts out by stating how 'we are collectively going through one of the most challenging periods that we'll most likely ever confront in our lifetimes.' I think that this is an incredibly important reminder. We are in unprecedented times. The author goes on to say that ‘You can't—and shouldn’t—benchmark yourself against what you’ve done pre-Covid-19. Those days are long gone. This is a new and different world. To stay sane, you should readjust your expectations and change the way you look at things.’  It is striking to me that the major goal here seems to be simply staying sane.  It's not necessarily landing your dream job, it's just getting through the process.

Job seekers are being told to recall all of their accomplishments during this time, to highlight the fact that they are NOT as useless as they might currently feel.  The job search process has always been grueling, but right now it is even more challenging.  With a combination of hearing back 'we appreciate your application, BUT you won't be moving forward' or not hearing anything at all, individuals start to feel that they don't have anything to offer.  These thoughts give way to even more debilitating ones, such as 'I'm letting others down' or 'Something must be wrong with me because I'm not getting hired.'  

Another article that I read from We Work Remotely, identified this feeling as a melancholic haze.  This feel appropriate because many things in life right now might be tinged with an air of sadness, even if they should normally be uplifting.  For instance, my family wanted to host a celebration for my masters graduation, but this got cancelled.  I didn't want to try to do a Zoom party because this felt fake.  And unfortunately, my degree almost felt fake too, since it wasn't seemingly helping me with my job search.  These thoughts aren't things that I would believe outside of a pandemic or this specifically tricky situation that I find myself.

So where does this leave me?  Will I be a hamster forever?  Until I run out of money?   Many other job seekers might be asking these same questions.  Experts in the fields of psychology and mental health have tried to offer suggestions on how we all can survive these hard times.  They want us to remember previous accomplishments and not let our negative emotions belittle them.  They want us to reach out to our close social connections and talk about how we are feeling, recognizing that venting is cathartic and our friends and family want to help us move forward.  Most importantly, perhaps, experts want those job seekers to recognize that your job is NOT your identity, but instead your identity is made up of a diverse range of experiences, interests and values.

Perhaps this is the reason that I am taking this job searching marathon particularly hard right now.  My back surgery and chronic nerve pain journey over the past 3 years has also been a trial in identity crisis.  Just when I thought that I was almost out of the woods, BOOM a global pandemic that leads to an exhausting year long job search.  More questions on 'Who am I?', 'Where do I belong in life?' and 'Am I good enough?' 

It's suggested that job seekers take this time to learn new skills or try out new hobbies, to fill the time that they set aside specifically for NON-job seeking activities.  This is something that is often suggested to individuals who are dealing with an identity crisis.  In fact, I believe that this blog was birthed out of my own process of self-discovery relating to my chronic pain issues.  Regarding this job search,  I've just recently decided that I'm going to seek out online classes in Salesforce, as suggested by my brother.  Training in this tool could be helpful in my applications for customer/client success roles.  I'm also going to investigate doing some freelance writing and potentially getting paid for my words.

The freelance writing is also a suggestion from my brother and something that I hadn't considered myself.  I think that part of the reason that I hadn't thought of it is because my self-confidence right now is not at its best.  This is a sentiment that I think many job seekers might say that they shared with me.  I enjoy writing and have been told by many that is a strength of mine.  Yet, I have been beaten down so much over the past couple of years that I have been questioning many of my own skills.  I am trying to resist this questioning and be more objective.  We will see how that goes!

As for other job seekers out there, just know that I see you.  I feel what you are feeling and recognize how it can be incredibly awful.  Just like you, I don't want to let those feelings overwhelm me.  It's challenging, but it's not impossible.  If you feel like you don't have anyone to go to, know that I will gladly be a sounding board.  I hope that sharing my own vulnerability might help others in some small way.  I know that I've found writing to be somewhat cathartic as I swim through the mud of it all.

As for my new skills and hobbies, if anyone has connections for freelance writing and likes my work, please feel free to send me their way.  I'm all about the networking! 

On a completely different and positive note, I am getting a golden retriever puppy next weekend and I'm sure that will take up much of my free time that would otherwise be spent worrying or feeling down.  Dogs are the best and I look forward to this new addition to my life.  I'm sure I'll be sharing some of my experiences with him with you all, as well as TONS of pictures because puppies make people happy!

-Vicky