Spring: The Season of Change?

 

It's been a minute since I wrote a post here and I want to try to get back to some consistency with it as we roll into spring.  Spring is often seen as a season of new beginnings, a fresh start.  We all talk about 'spring cleaning' and go about our lives trying to tidy things where we can.  We get rid of old clothes that may not fit anymore, we deep clean our living spaces, we strip off our layers and let our skin see the sun again.

I find that for me, this beginning of spring has been a time of reflection.  I've been thinking a lot about what has happened over the past few months and how it all has impacted me.  I've been blessed in so many ways, but also had my share of challenges.  I think it's important to acknowledge both the ups and downs as I move forward.

My brother and his wife welcomed a beautiful baby boy, Maksimilian Kan Morgan, my nephew, to the world at the end of last year.  He's a Sagittarius just like his Aunt Vicky :)  See below for a few pictures of this absolutely adorable baby boy.  I've had the ability to go visit him on the West coast twice since he's been in this world and treasure the time that I've been able to spend with him.  He and his parents will be visiting my parents in NJ for some of the summertime and I will get to see him again then too!

  

While our family gained a new squirmy little guy, we also experienced a tragic loss.  My mother's only brother, my uncle and my brother's godfather, Randy, passed away very suddenly.  He wasn't sick.  He was 61 and in relatively good shape.  The shock of this loss shook our entire family, especially my mother.  She and Randy ran the family company that their father, my grandfather, started.  They've been working together for my entire life.  Unfortunately, Randy's death has caused a ripple effect of issues for my family.  It has been and will be a challenging time until some items can be settled.  

My Uncle Randy was a huge part of both my brother and my childhoods.  He was a consistent presence in our lives, up until the time that he wasn't...  While every family has some broken pieces, Randy's absence from our lives was something that we were trying to fix.  He and his two sons joined our family for Thanksgiving last year.  It was awkward initially, but ultimately a very nice first step to recovering the family connection.  I have such fond memories of my uncle from when I was younger.  He was such a fun-loving and adventurous individual and my brother and I loved him so.  I've included a few photos of our time together when I was younger, as well as a photo I took at his funeral.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I've also been trying to get back onto the basketball court in a social league.  I have had mixed results with this - I love being back on the court, but feel like I'm out of practice and don't bounce back as quickly as I used to.  In addition to my play, I've had to deal with my continued recovery from back surgery.  This road has definitely not been linear and lately has taken a sharp turn back to chronic pain.  I have started physical therapy again and my PT thinks that I may have some permanent nerve damage.  We're working through it and just made a plan to change my routine for the next week so that we can confirm where the issue is actually stemming from.  I can't help but be frustrated by this new development, mostly because it will likely turn out to be that the culprit behind my new chronic pain might be the very activity that I'd spent so much time trying to find: my Peloton.

I wrote a post about how much I was enjoying my Peloton bike a while back and for the most part, I do still very much enjoy the instructors and classes that I take throughout the week.  My physical therapist doesn't want me to ride on consecutive days, as clipping into the bike so often may be putting a large amount of stress on my peroneal nerve.  This nerve is a branch of the sciatic nerve (what was pinched by my herniated disc L5-S1) that allows movement and sensation to the lower leg, foot and toes.  Whereas my nerve pain previously was in the back of my leg and glute, this new pain sits on the outside of my ankle and up the calf of my affected leg.

As I'm dealing with my own physical pain resurfacing, the rest of the world is starting to see the COVID-19 protocols being lifted.  This is a HUGE positive for everyone as this pandemic has been an incredibly challenging time.  Social gatherings are beginning to happen again, the weather is warming up in most places in the U.S, and the overwhelming sense of dread that was looming over us is slowly receding.

It's been interesting to see how things are changing in this time.  And I want to be able to ride the wave of positivity that seems to be building as COVID-19 seems to be shrinking down to a less scary entity.  But, it's not always that easy.  I think that it's important to recognize that negative emotions still need to be acknowledged.  We've been collectively struggling during the pandemic and are collectively relieved that we are starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel for it.  Yet, as we move forward here, we can't just force ourselves to be positive when there are other things going on in our lives.  Each emotion should be felt.

I'm a firm believer of the concept that everyone has a story and that you should give people the benefit of the doubt because you don't know what they are going through.  I know that during the pandemic, I've felt my fuse grow shorter and shorter.  I was more irritable than ever and often the people I care about the most would get the brunt of that emotion.  As the clouds of the pandemic are clearing, I hope that I can adjust how I feel things.  I am a creature of nature and am always happier when the sun is out and it is warm.  As spring and summer bring both of those things, I hope to be able to take more walks outside and let the sun on my skin help me process things as I feel them.  I don't try to act like I have all or honestly even any of the answers here, but I am trying my best to grow as I can.

So, this spring, I don't think the goal is change so much that it is continued adaptation - understanding that no one is perfect, but trying to be our best selves.

And to kick that off, here's a cute picture of my pup, Puck, that I hope makes you smile.

<3 Vicky