More Than Fear
I tried the bike out while I was visiting my parents earlier during the pandemic. It had been about a month since most gyms had closed and I had been trying to push myself to ride my bike outside or jog. Since having my surgery at the end of last year, running has not been something that has felt attainable. Yet, I still would try to jog once a week and struggle through it. If I jogged more than once a week, my nerve pain would shoot up and I wouldn't be able to exist without more pain for a few days. Riding my mountain bike was an activity that tended to be more doable in a consistent manner. This activity, however, required more planning and was very weather dependent.
After trying my parent's Peloton, I was actually surprised how much I enjoyed it. I wasn't sure that the spirit of a cycling class could be captured by a TV screen mounted on an indoor bike. But I would say that it most definitely was. I felt like the instructor was talking directly to me and kept me motivated to push myself. To be honest, I've only ridden with one instructor and should probably try out others.... but I just love the vibe of this one. Her name is Robin Arzon. While I was at my parent's, I took one of Robin's classes almost every day. I found myself smiling during exercise for the first time in almost two years. Without fail, Robin would say something that I NEEDED to hear during each ride. Her positivity and energy are contagious and kept me coming back for more.
One quote in particular that stood out to me recently was, "Do you want it more than you fear it?". For me, I have been terrified since my surgery that I would never get back to where I want to be as far as my physical fitness and strength. I've had people tell me that I may never be able to play basketball again, or run a mud run, or even just lift as heavy as I was able to before the nerve pain started. I didn't want to acknowledge that these things were possible. I felt fear in returning to many activities because I wanted to be sure that my recovery went well. Yet, at the same time, I am who I am and wanted to push myself and just do what I used to be able to..... As you might imagine, these two things didn't work that well together and I would often overdo it and suffer the consequences of increased nerve pain for a few days.
I didn't want to be paralyzed by fear, but I didn't always trust myself to take things slow when I did try to be active. It was also hard to moderate because, to others, it may not appear that I am still in pain. I've gotten pretty good at putting on a happy face and moving through life. But sometimes I would have to ask friends to slow down on a hike or opt out of a workout because I wasn't feeling like I had recovered from the last. I absolutely hated this. And still do. But I've come to the conclusion that it is necessary for me to speak up about where I'm at.
Another reason why I've felt a strong connection to Robin might not be as obvious as her words of inspiration. It is something that I noticed on my first ride with her. She has an insulin pump attached to her tricep. It's not something that is incredibly noticeable, and some people may not even really know what it is, but my masters in nutrition education had me focusing in on it. I found out later that Robin has Type I diabetes, which is the type of diabetes where the body produces little or no insulin. Insulin is needed in the body to allow sugar (glucose) into cells to produce energy. This type of diabetes does not have a cure and those who have it will always be in treatment. Unlike Type II diabetes, which is much more preventable, individuals who have Type I diabetes have just been dealt a crappy hand. I found myself feeling connected to Robin due to this 'crappy hand' of uncontrollable cards that we had both been dealt, her with diabetes and me with herniated discs and nerve pain. I felt inspired to do my best to exude positivity, the way she does, as I try to keep moving through my quite erratic recovery.
I decided to bite the bullet and commit to getting a Peloton after I didn't feel any additional pain while riding consistently at my parents house. I started getting back to sweating often and feeling good about it. I knew that gyms weren't going to open back up normally anytime soon, and I didn't want to have to exercise in a mask. It will also start getting cooler quite soon in the northeast and having the bike in my house will remove any excuses I might have about not wanting to go somewhere to work out. As I've learned through my behavioral health training, the best way to increase an activity it to make it the default.
For anyone who might be reading this who also rides with Peloton, let's be friends! My username is vickyrecovery in Boston, MA. I've mostly been taking the recorded live DJ rides that Robin does because they are just so much fun, but would love to hear what other instructors I should try out!
And if Robin happens to read this, I'd like to thank her personally for her words. I hope she knows that she is making a difference for many people.
-Vicky
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