Strugs


Yesterday I went on an 11.5 mile bike ride during the day.  The weather was beautiful (near 60 degrees!) and I wanted to get up and move.  I didn't start out with a planned route.  I decided that I would just go out and explore the neighborhoods around me and go for around an hour.  I almost forgot to put my Garmin activity tracker on, but grabbed it last minute and headed out.

I had honestly forgotten what the sun felt like when it hit my skin.  Hello, serotonin!  I've missed you!  I ended up finding a community bike path two towns over that I didn't know existed, right around the time that I was beginning to feel like I wouldn't be able to go much further.  The discovery gave me an extra boost of energy and I actually ended up staying out on my bike longer than I had originally planned.

When I got back to my house, I was feeling pretty accomplished.  This was only the second bike ride that I have taken outdoors since my surgery in November  (the weather really hasn't been great.... or I've been hiking instead...).  I hit the save activity button on my smartwatch and went to put my bike away in the basement.  I went inside and laid down on the ground in my front hall, allowing my roommate's pup to come lick my exposed calves as she often does when I'm sweaty.  I then sat up and tried to check the stats on my bike ride.

I was confused.  The activity was nowhere to be found.  It seemed that my watch ignored my request to save the activity and deleted it instead.  I cannot tell you how upset this one tiny thing made me for the rest of the day.  I tried to handle it with humor, saying 'well, I guess I have to go do it all over again for it to count."  But, in reality, it destroyed the positive feelings that I was having in that moment.  I was going to take a picture of the stats and write a post about how the weather was beautiful and I got out and was active.  My residual leg pain was actually even not as bad that morning.  But, no.  I found myself just pissed off and upset.  As I like to describe negative things, STRUGS.

In the 24 hours that have passed, I have gotten over it.  But damn, it is WILD to me how volatile moods can be during recovery.  Being cooped up in quarantine doesn't help either.  I'd like to say that I don't care about tracking activity, but it is definitely a point of pride for me.  I still am upset that the data from that activity is missing, but I recognize that it doesn't change the fact that I went out and did something good for my body and soul.  And I'm also glad that I let myself be pissed yesterday.  I needed to feel that.  It mirrors the frustration that is a constant part of recovery.  I'm allowed to feel it, but I won't let it take over totally. 

Today is another beautiful day.  My body is sore, so I won't bike again.  But I will most definitely get a good long walk in.  Vitamin D + Serotonin, I'm coming for ya!

-Vicky

P.S - The picture in this post is from my first visit to the emergency room for my back.  I was there for over 10 hours and it was pretty scary.  Definintely a strugs moment.

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